C U Next Tuesday...

You know things are bad when even maternity clothes are made for skinny girls...you know, the ones with CUNT disease (they act like cunts because they are dying to have a nice juicy cheeseburger but instead opt for Starbucks and cocaine).

Sorry if that offends any of the skinny girls who might be reading this - I realize some people are naturally that way - BUT - I thought I'd get a little bit of a pass and it turns out I am too big for the damn maternity clothes and I'm NOT EVEN BARELY SHOWING! Yes, I'm pissed. Blah. Yuck.

Today I have my own CUNT disease but mine comes from eating too much ice cream. Totally different action that elicits the exact same behavior! Imagine that!

I felt like a strong Amazonian woman this morning after I worked out and could see concrete improvement, like I'm actually getting stronger and my back doesn't hurt anymore from hauling around enormous breasts. That's one thing I'm grateful for today, even though I don't fit into their damn clothes...

The other thing, while I'm on the subject of things that bug me, like the world catering to skinny beautiful people when every one knows damn well that there are WAY more fatties out there because it's NORMAL! Yes, I'm having issues with feeling NORMAL these days....so, another thing that bugs me is when the ladies in the pedicure places talk about you in Korean while you are sitting right there next to them! After they say something like, "How far along are you?" while I think to myself, "Hmmm, do I really look that preggo today? I felt cute before I left my house! BLAH!!! F**K you!"

Okay - that is the end of my rant. You may be saying to yourself, "Man, she is acting like she's on drugs" to which I would say, "Yeah...I wish!" or you also might be thinking, "Just accept it lady, you're preggo!" I'm trying, I'm trying, but every day brings a new challenge. Now you can see why I want to hole up in my little apartment and never come out again - it's probably best for everyone involved. Lucky I know how to keep my mouth shut while I'm out in public. Unlucky for the few courageous souls who suffer the brunt of my rantings when I return from unsuccessful shopping trips... I guess this is what life is all about.

I'm grateful that I have a place to rant and rave - but I'm not happy about exposing others to this side of me. Yet, somehow I feel better now, so thank you to whomever may be witnessing this.

I'm grateful that I have friends who will listen to me and talk me down off the ledge.

I'm grateful that after all "that" I did end up with a purple dress that I will wear every day for the rest of my damn pregnancy because it was the only thing I could find that fit me and I don't want to go through this again anytime soon. I usually find clothes shopping depressing - nothing has changed.

I'm grateful that, um, hm...I have elastic waist pants on right now. But I have to go out again in a little while and I am not looking forward to it because I feel like a blue version of Gumby.

I'm grateful that I have gossip magazines to look at to distract me when I feel crappy. It's much more fun to make fun of the skinny crazies than to think about my own crap.

I'm done today. And I am making a resolution to stop eating refined sugar in all forms. I think it is making me more moody. I wish it wasn't this way, but it is. boo hoo.