mood swings

It is always interesting to me when I become aware of how we interpret things through our own unique filters and how our filters are more about what is happening for us than about anything to do with the other person. It is really amazing to me when I see this in myself and others.

I am currently experiencing heavy duty mood swings - that is my current filter. Stupid things have taken on more meaning than normal because I feel like I am fighting to hold onto myself in the midst of heavy change. That sounds dramatic but that is how it feels right now. And I know that this is happening in part because my body is going through lots of huge changes and it will all pass.

I don't feel like being politically correct today. Today I feel like I am going to step on people's feelings no matter what I do - so it's probably best to stay inside and not subject others to my "moods". But, then there is the internet so I don't even have to leave my apartment to wreak havoc.

I woke up feeling great and then a few things happened that made me feel pressured and now I am not feeling great - because I'm having a mood swing and that's the way things are going to be for the next couple of weeks - just want to keep everyone apprised of my situation...right now I'm annoyed and this will most likely change in a few minutes after I eat some pineapple.

So, at the risk of having revealed too much already...

• Today I am grateful for walks and talks in Golden Gate Park with a friend I haven't seen in a long time.
• I am grateful to have time to myself to adjust to everything that is happening to me.
• I am grateful that I do not have a family that pressures me in any way and even when my parents were alive, they didn't pressure me to do things (except going to college - which turned out to be the best decision ever) because they knew better. I miss my parents so much and I wish I could talk to my dad more than anything. I'm grateful I had them when I did.
• I am grateful I found a man who loves me when I am having mood swings and am an uber-bitch (which by the way has not happened yet...I'm still working my way up to uber-bitchdom, but I'm sure I will get there soon.)
• I am grateful for growth and new challenges.
• I am grateful for Goddess salad dressing and blueberries.

I hope I don't do any irreparable damage to anyone during this process. I feel fucking crazy but the good news is I'm totally normal! Whoopee!