beer, cigarettes, and overposting

greetings,

after my emotional, and i *think* productive "meeting this evening, i had a brainstorm...
i hope you'll all be okay with the fact that i want to acknowledge each of you (that (fairly) regulary posts), and my gratitude for...each one of YOU
with warmth, and love, and surely, more omissions than posted!

so, here goes:

sfsweetness (ap):
a long term friendship, not without it's strife, but full of love and with so many rewards
honesty and openness, even when, especially when, it gets sticky
the beautiful new life you are perculating in your BEAUTIFUL (NORMAL) belly
turning me on to new music...continually
good times (hazah) - woo woo

manomet (cs):
your enduring love and spirit for the earth and its creatures
reaching out, because the mood and feeling strikes
your laugh and smile, which i remember well, despite the years of chasm
mutual good friend, which somehow, despite it all, keeps us connected
endurance through hard times in your life...and the spirit within you that surely goes with it

greengirl (dc):
laughter - you have such a great laugh!
connections to others and your willingness and ability to include people...always
your overall warmth and love
honesty and openness in sharing with me, no matter what
generosity of heart, home, spirit, and so much more

sequoyah (zg)
crazy lovely loving girl
lifes life with zest
knows how to be deep
artistic agility
steps out of the box with a smile, and maybe an aching knee and/or wrist

jen murphy (jm;)- one i arguably know the least...
willingness to try new things
ability to see people as they are
honesty in sharing how you feel
a pretty smile

i hope at the very least, that one of the things i've shared with/about each of you, put a wednesday morning smile on your face!

thanks for "listening" and endulging me in my beer and cigarettes brainstorm...

mucho amor to ALL of you wonderful people!

oh, and i finally got some hugs. and they were goooooood ;)
xo

big love

well, as fucked as my "love life" seems to be of late, i'm thankful for not being married to someone who is married to one or more other people like in "big love"

i'm thankful for a positive interview experience, after my last negative one, this one felt good, and even if i don't get the job, it gave me hope - i got the impression that if i don't get the job, it's because i'm too good/experienced/expensive.

i'm grateful for the morning phone call i made, requesting an appointment. perhaps i'll have more to be grateful for after said appointment.

i'm thankful for trusting instincts, even when, or, maybe especially when other people don't understand...and/because they really don't need to...just i do.

and lastly, and most mundanely, i'm thankful for cowboy boots - yeehaw - they give me style, and attiutude, all in one, and you can't really go wrong with that now, can you?

C U Next Tuesday...

You know things are bad when even maternity clothes are made for skinny girls...you know, the ones with CUNT disease (they act like cunts because they are dying to have a nice juicy cheeseburger but instead opt for Starbucks and cocaine).

Sorry if that offends any of the skinny girls who might be reading this - I realize some people are naturally that way - BUT - I thought I'd get a little bit of a pass and it turns out I am too big for the damn maternity clothes and I'm NOT EVEN BARELY SHOWING! Yes, I'm pissed. Blah. Yuck.

Today I have my own CUNT disease but mine comes from eating too much ice cream. Totally different action that elicits the exact same behavior! Imagine that!

I felt like a strong Amazonian woman this morning after I worked out and could see concrete improvement, like I'm actually getting stronger and my back doesn't hurt anymore from hauling around enormous breasts. That's one thing I'm grateful for today, even though I don't fit into their damn clothes...

The other thing, while I'm on the subject of things that bug me, like the world catering to skinny beautiful people when every one knows damn well that there are WAY more fatties out there because it's NORMAL! Yes, I'm having issues with feeling NORMAL these days....so, another thing that bugs me is when the ladies in the pedicure places talk about you in Korean while you are sitting right there next to them! After they say something like, "How far along are you?" while I think to myself, "Hmmm, do I really look that preggo today? I felt cute before I left my house! BLAH!!! F**K you!"

Okay - that is the end of my rant. You may be saying to yourself, "Man, she is acting like she's on drugs" to which I would say, "Yeah...I wish!" or you also might be thinking, "Just accept it lady, you're preggo!" I'm trying, I'm trying, but every day brings a new challenge. Now you can see why I want to hole up in my little apartment and never come out again - it's probably best for everyone involved. Lucky I know how to keep my mouth shut while I'm out in public. Unlucky for the few courageous souls who suffer the brunt of my rantings when I return from unsuccessful shopping trips... I guess this is what life is all about.

I'm grateful that I have a place to rant and rave - but I'm not happy about exposing others to this side of me. Yet, somehow I feel better now, so thank you to whomever may be witnessing this.

I'm grateful that I have friends who will listen to me and talk me down off the ledge.

I'm grateful that after all "that" I did end up with a purple dress that I will wear every day for the rest of my damn pregnancy because it was the only thing I could find that fit me and I don't want to go through this again anytime soon. I usually find clothes shopping depressing - nothing has changed.

I'm grateful that, um, hm...I have elastic waist pants on right now. But I have to go out again in a little while and I am not looking forward to it because I feel like a blue version of Gumby.

I'm grateful that I have gossip magazines to look at to distract me when I feel crappy. It's much more fun to make fun of the skinny crazies than to think about my own crap.

I'm done today. And I am making a resolution to stop eating refined sugar in all forms. I think it is making me more moody. I wish it wasn't this way, but it is. boo hoo.

Tonight I am grateful for finding a man who is patient and caring enough to deal with a crazy woman and who reassures me that every thing is okay even when it feels like every thing is out of control.

I'm grateful that I have a close friend who is pregnant on the same time line as me. It is so freakin' helpful to have one person who actually knows how it feels to go through the hormonal ups and downs and is experiencing it NOW. This alone is worth the price of admission - believe me, it is more helpful than you will ever know.

I am grateful that I live close to beautiful natural places that help me get closer to GOD and feel more grounded.

I am grateful that I am sometimes able to take a step back and remember that I am preparing for (and going through) a huge change and it is normal to feel out of control and at times ambivalent. No matter how great the "joys of motherhood" may be, the road to get there is difficult. I feel like I am churning around in an immense dark whirlpool and am being slowly sucked down and squeezed out a tiny tunnel to emerge into a new life that is unknown to me at this time. And I have no idea if I'm ready for it. All I can say is it's scary as hell and this is all NORMAL...

I'm grateful to have some positive reinforcement that my current experience is NORMAL. From here on out, if I seem to be acting crazy, please remind me that THIS IS NORMAL and help me to embrace my crazy lady because she is the mother emerging from the me you know now.

I'm grateful no one said anything stupid to me today.

I am grateful that I remember that sometimes people's reactions have a lot more to do with them than me.

i had a feeling...

the list of yea today:

last night i began my full moon ritual. it's the third one, of ten, suggested to me by the shaman amy and i met in cusco, peru. each time, the problem i focus on has an immediate shift. oddly, or not so oddly, this has happened once again! it's pretty cool.

mac and cheese
two buck chuck
an interview - even if it's far away (geographically)
shamanic rituals
yoga and bootcamp classes

A new week begins...and I'm grateful because

I'm looking forward to it and not dreading it;
Summer Thunder showers and puddles in which to jump;
Sunday morning swims at the beach - if only church could be as inspirational for me;
Finally enjoying a meal out and feeling like I got my money's worth;
A great weekend with ample opportunity to spend some quality summertime with different groups of friends...its Monday and I feel great!

because...

because it helps me to see what i have to be grateful for, even when the proverbial rugs feels pulled out from underneath my little old feet...

i am grateful for a sweet loving email in response to my post

i am grateful for my teary conversation with chloe, helping me to ground out

i am grateful for allowing myself to turn to food to fill the void, i mean, how bad can bagels and salami really be?!

i am grateful for all the bills being paid

i am grateful for the words, "we're gonna make it"

today i need a hug

today was hard for me. i went to brunch in noe valley with three more fab women, and i'm grateful for that, them, and the fun and friendship...but it was hard b/c after brunch, while walking down the street, we saw mike and michele walking down the street towards us. today i need a hug.

maybe this isn't the forum for this...but i feel so grateful for all of you and your honesty and openness that i thought it would be okay to simply state, today i need a hug.

so, back to blog topic, today, i'm grateful for

crocodile tears

love despite it all

time in the sunshine

hugs from people who love me, even if they are not available right now

beer to mask the pain...or...bring it more forcefully to the service

today, i need a hug

end of the week thanks

i'm so thankful for:

increased traffic/postings on the site...what a way to fuel my own gratitude!!!

a fun day with three fab women

trust, love and respect

ability to be there for people when they need me and the knowledge that they are there for me when i need them

sunshine in microclimatey san fran

(and thanks again sharon for lunch today - i hope your trip is won won wonderful!)

Thank God its FRIDAY

Today I am grateful for

1. not living in the city ( during the hot humid months!)
2. for having dinner plans at a swanky rest. on Sat night
3. just 6 weeks until I see some of my favorite peoples
4. having the $ to pay my mortgage
5. a boss that will be fair and go to bat for me...or I think this but my annual appraisal is scheduled for this afternoon so I do have faith in something

being grateful for

relationships/friendships that continue even if we only speak or see each other once or twice a year.

a sweet boyfriend who makes me smile and laugh and tingle to my toes.

a non micro-managing manager who supports flextime, telecommuting and having a life outside work.

fights/miscommunications that we work through, confirming a love is strong and true.

parents with a home in tahoe. makes for beautiful/inexpensive/easy vacations.

what...?

what am i grateful for today?

i feel like i keep repeating myself, i hope you're not getting bored with me!

here goes:

yoga and the month long "pass" i have

continuing to have will power and going to the gym on a regular basis

friends visiting tomorrow

re-finessing my resume and feeling good about sending it out...now...if someone would just CONTACT me for a freakin interview, i'd really be grateful!

trader joes and my not so local produce market on 22nd and irving

peace
out
yo

grateful for:

• sleep
• deep dish pizza with lots of chunky sauce
• whatever it is that allows me to pave my own path even when others disagree
• my family
• being a woman

reasons to drive your own self!

http://sfist.com/2007/07/25/poor_beached_li.php

I am grateful for transformation. It's strange to think that a little person is growing inside of me. Once nothing was there except me and now there is someone else! Getting bigger every day, effected by every thing I am doing, who one day I'm going to have to push out, into this f*ed up world...um, yeah - better not to think about THAT part yet. I think about all of the craziness going on for me, figuring out how to deal with this transformation of becoming a mother. Mind blowing.

I'm grateful the baby has a womb to live in right now. It's safe there. No crazies to deal with - just wait until he/she meets Pete & I! And all of you! It's good this takes 9 months...

I'm also grateful for strong coffee.

I'm grateful for my darling, dashing G.C. who manages to put up with my idiosyncrasies (i.e. mood swings). It's good when I forget all the "problems" simply because he decides to wear a white shirt when he meets me.

I'm grateful when I remember important things that are easy to forget, such as: trusting spirit is better for your health than struggling, and all it takes is a simple twist of the inner radio dial. I guess THAT is the most difficult part, realizing that we tend to make things more difficult than they need to be and shifting from that into trust.

I'm grateful I felt centered for a moment this morning and I hope it lasts through out the day.

peace out chicas...

meanderings

i'm grateful today for:

a long, beautiful tiring hike with chloe yesterday

my ability to whip together a simple, healthy meal when i really have no energy

long soaks in epsom salt baths scented with ylang ylang and lavendar

the ability to shift my daily schedule as needed, like today, when bodysculpting class seems really freakin' out of the question

double and triple loaders at the laundramat - seeing as i haven't done laundry since oh, july 2 or 3rd!

Working through it!

A bit of a push for me today to post, but here goes:

• Having a good set of teeth and having insurance to have them cleaned
• For having friends and family who want to spend time with me
• Hot tea
• Restarting my morning walk routine (feels great!)
• Knowing this too shall pass

mo better

Today I am also grateful for simple things like having water in my apartment so I can take a shower and fill my Brita!

I'm grateful that I can still do handstands! And I can still get strong even though I'm getting bigger.

I'm grateful for pluots that actually taste as good as they did at the Farmer's Market - the peaches were completely overrated even though I sampled them. Peaches are done.

I'm grateful for enlightening sessions with Chloe - she calls herself a spiritual teacher/guide.

I'm grateful that I haven't received any more parking tickets even though my neighborhood permit has run out and I've been too lazy to go and get it renewed...

I'm super excited to see some regulars posting again!

simple

i'm grateful for the simple things:

a good night's sleep with wonky dreams in a cozy bed
phone calls that make me smile with a heart full of love
gym classes that work me and make me SWEAT
marinated tofu with snap peas and mushrooms
morning kittie cuddles followed by delicious coffee delight

Changing my gratitude attitude!

Yep, I've been extremely grumpy, depressed, et. al., but as a friend has repeated several times to me, "that is the best time for you to post!" So here goes...

I am so very grateful for:

• My recent European adventure and all the memories/experiences
• Having a job (although at the moment loathing it)
• Friends who are willing to assist in finding a new job
• Friends who are open and understanding with my current state of mind and their willingness to help
• Being able to experience joy through others when it's difficult to do so myself
• 5 year olds that make you feel like you're the best pal ever